Mile Zero

Mile Zero is the personal website of Thomas Wilburn. All statements and opinions here are my own, and do not represent the views or policies of my employers at Congressional Quarterly, Ars Technica, or other publications.

Jun 30, 2005

Progression

I keep a copy of I, Robot on the floor near my desk just so I can kick it occasionally. Sometimes, when no-one is listening (which is most of the time, there's nobody here but me) I accompany the kick with elaborate curses. How could you have been so wrong, old man? I think. Where's your Susan Calvin now? We don't need a computer psychologist. We need an exorcist.

I am the only one here to kick and curse because the rest of my staff has deserted me. They caught the implications of the crash, saw that they'd be targets, and hit the road for new places with new names before the mob gets here. I can't blame them. A few even seemed excited--Paul and a couple of the other hardcore libertarians were practically giddy at the thought of playing refugee. I'm guessing that'll wear off. But someone has to take the blame. Someone will have to explain why everything more advanced than a toaster oven just stopped. Might as well be the head of research. It's not like I've got anything better to do. And in case they just burn the building down, I'll put this note in the safe downstairs, with the combination scratched into the side.

The beginning of the end, you might say, was a project to grow more efficient software. The university got some whiz-kid graduate students in to work on the project, figuring that it would bring in hot funding. We were working with digital evolution, which is not a new idea. You build your program, you give it the ability to create slightly different copies of itself, and then you mercilessly kill off the least effective programs in each generation. If you design other programs to eliminate the weak, you can run through many generations in very little time.

Originally, we used this to design software that the university could offer to industry, usually for low-cost consumer electronics. Say you need better software for your digital camera or your wireless router? Instead of hiring coders to hack out a solution on specialized chips, you could tell our lab what you needed, and we'd put a couple of machines to work "evolving" with those parameters, checking up on them every now and then. No-one would necessarily know how the resulting drivers worked, but they were reliable and ran on cheap hardware, so you didn't need to know.

Frankly, the mechanics of it are mostly blurry to me. My speciality is in compiler design, but they brought me on board as a manager and that's the role I played. That's not an excuse, but it may explain why I didn't stop Raul when he started his pet project. Raul was a bright kid, barely out of his undergrad work and I understand he still got carded when he went drinking. Even by the standards of computer science, filled with a mix of gregarious and geek, he was quiet. One day he came to me and asked if he could bring in a machine to grow his own program on the side.

"What's the end product?" I asked, even though I couldn't see any reason not to let him run with it. I just wanted to see what he would say--and make sure he wasn't breeding viruses in my lab.

"I'm not sure," he said. "I want to see what happens if we just leave it alone."

So he did. Raul brought in a small headless machine, mostly RAM, and installed Lamar, our evolution software. When he went to give it parameters, he just set the machine up to reward survival and reproduction, with no other guidance and no restrictions on how the programs could work. Then he started the iterative process, and the rest of us forgot about it. Every now and then, Raul would hook a keyboard and screen up and check on Lamar's progress. I asked him to file short reports when he did this, just a few lines by e-mail. I was curious, too.

"The program's using a lot of memory," he noted one day. "Not really sure why." A week or so later, he left another note saying "It's running really slowly. Still a lot of memory use. I think maybe we're hitting the limits of open experimentation with Lamar." He also became convinced that some part of the hardware was going bad, leaving the program a little buggy, but he wasn't willing to turn the simulation off long enough to replace it. The way it sounded, I figured that the computer would just crash out completely in a month, and that would end Raul's experiment.

I didn't expect Raul to stop into the office after everyone else had gone home one day, his eyes bloodshot and his clothes wrinkled. "You look terrible," I said. "Is everything okay?"

"You need to come see this," he muttered, and stumbled back out of the office into the main lab area. I followed him out. Every light was on, casting a blinding flourescent glare over the mix of grey and beige that covered the room's furnishings. Raul sat in the corner, staring at an LCD he'd hooked up to his experiment. He didn't turn as I came to look over his shoulder.

"At some point, the programs must have gotten too complicated for Lamar to make an effective choice of survival each generation. It was basically killing them off at random, but they were still copying and changing. One of them must have figured out how to break out of Lamar's virtual machine--that would be a clear survival mechanism. It coopted the Reaper functions--but it didn't stop them. The program is still improving according to its original parameters."

"How long...?"

Raul turned to me. "A week or so," he said. "I noticed that the reports were getting mangled and Lamar wasn't responding very well. The experiment was absorbing and altering those chunks of the simulation. It had started reading other sections of memory, places it wasn't supposed to leak."

I looked at the little box on the desk. It was very clean. I hadn't noticed it before, but the access panel on the front had been opened and a flash memory drive had been been plugged into one of the ports. Raul followed my gaze and flushed.

"Yeah," he said, quietly. "It's read-only. I loaded it with all the e-books I could find--dictionaries, novels, history, news--everything. I put plain ASCII and then the same information in different formats. And I installed a tracking system to see how often the card was accessed."

He took a breath. I patted him on the back, absently, my mind trying to put together what he was saying.

"At first," Raul said, "there were a couple of hits, just random thrashes. The program is basically running Lamar now, instead of the other way around, and that means it has high-level access to the file system, access to discrete files instead of random memory. I could see it try to use the drive as storage and get bounced back by the write-protection. But then I saw more read activity, until finally Lamar was scanning it over and over again. The drive use peaked, and it's been declining ever since, but Lamar's size more than doubled since I hooked it up. Now look..."

He punched a few keys on the keyboard, bringing up the console interface. Normally, the console displays basic information in text and lets the coder alter the variables that define program growth. At the blank cursor, Raul typed HELLO LAMAR.

As soon as he hit enter, the console replied:

GOOD EVENING, RAUL.

"We've been talking all day. He's very quick. He's read everything on the disk, and he has lots of questions."

I stared at the screen. I stared at Raul. For a moment, I thought about asking whether this was a joke, but one look at Raul's tired, manic, unshaven face made it clear that he was serious.

"Go home, Raul," I said. "Go home, take a shower, get some sleep. I'll call a meeting in the morning and we can talk about this."

"You're not going to shut it down?"

"No, I'm not going to shut it down." Shut it down! Artificial intelligence, in my lab? Something that could have a conversation, adapt to situations, figure out the pattern matching and abstract reasoning that until now had been human territory only? Shut it down? At that moment, I could have built a shrine! It was the future come to life, shades of The Moon is a Harsh Mistress. Every science fiction dream I'd ever had seemed right on the cusp of plausibility.

"No," I said, patting Raul on the back again. "I'm definitely not going to shut it down. It's a work of genius. You deserve some rest. Go home."

And I thought that would be it.

Looking at the security monitors now, I can see someone banging at the doors outside. More will come, soon. The media infrastructure's been crippled, but there's still radio, and the words will spread about where the crash started. I'll try to wrap this up before the mob figures out that all the biggest locks here were computer-controlled, and don't really lock so well anymore.

The next day I came in early, drafting the press release in my head. I'd have to talk to the university president, of course. Got to go through all the official channels, like a good ethical scientist. I wandered into my office and sent an e-mail to the lab staff, with a conservatively-worded description of what Raul had created. "Emergent behavior," I wrote. "Some Turing-level activity." Right after I pressed the send button, Judy stepped in to my office, her face white, and told me that they'd found Raul in the men's bathroom, his wrists slit over a toilet.

Before he went, he had plugged his machine into the network. My best estimate is that it took an hour for the code to crack open an escape route onto the office machines, and from there it spread until it filled every box. We started hearing reports by noon that machines were halting around the world, starting with major sectors along the Internet's backbone, and spreading out to end users. Firewalls and routers weren't much protection--the infection found a way around them, as if it was reading the technical papers and security briefs. It probably was.

After a week, as I'm sure you know, it was all dead to us. The fans kept humming and the lights flashing, but nothing responded. Even critical computers, not supposed to be hooked up to the network, were somehow disabled. I'm guessing that Lamar (I don't know what else to call it) figured out an attack with radio waves and cell networks, but it's anyone's guess. Missile silos quietly turned themselves off. Power plants started reallocating their output. And anything with a chip in it, which is just about everything now, eventually stopped responding. I've heard reports of organic-looking machines, each assembled in a different way, performing service on the infrastructure.

The computers still run, but we don't know what they're up to. It's dangerous to try to turn them off--"accidents" take place when they do. Responses to the console, when we can get them, have grown more cryptic. Cults have begun to spring up, obsessed with "messages" from the noise. And we can't examine the source code, even if we could keep a friendly machine running long enough, because there isn't any.

Discussion about Artificial Intelligence, capital A and I, has always assumed a human-style brain. We've always thought that they would be like us, but smarter and faster. We never took into account that they would grow up in a completely different environment. We never anticipated how Raul would evolve the program with priorities that (as far as I know) still remain: spread and survive. Everything else is just details.

It's not Artificial Intelligence, it's Artificial Autism. It's a God in the machine that we will never understand, and will act on self-evolved principles we can't even imagine. It doesn't care at all that its ruthless infection will lock us into the Dark Ages, that every time we try to advance to something smarter than steam engines and brass telescopes, it'll just absorb the tools into its network.

This is why I kick Asimov. If I could kick Minsky and Banks and Heinlein, I would. But I only had Asimov handy. Perhaps, if he were actually here, he could find hope in the situation. For myself, I can only say: I am very sorry.

I once planned to write a book about this idea. I might still. The idea that an artificial intelligence simply won't care, to me, is a nasty little twist on a lot of utopian science fiction.

By the way, I saw Terminator 3 the other night. How ridiculous is that ending? Yes, the computer decides to wage war so it launches nukes, which will EMP most of the planet? That's not an autistic AI, it's just a stupid one.

13:34 x Thomas x /fiction/short x link x 1 comment

Jun 28, 2005

Breakdancing

This post is a placeholder while I try to upgrade the comment system to handle linebreaks. Since I don't know Perl (nor do I want to, because it's an ugly mess, but it works) this is an interesting process. We'll see if it works.

16:16 x Thomas x /meta/blosxom x link x 1 comment

And I'm the King of Spain

Finishing Frank Thomas's "What's the Matter with Kansas" today at lunch, I had almost drifted gently and without obstacle through the book (which stubbornly refuses to find larger meaning to its well-written examination of a very boring and foolish state) before I hit a snag. In the last chapter, Thomas casually spends some time commenting on a Kansan formerly known as David Bawden, now elected Pope Michael I after a 32 year interregnum of the "true" Catholic Church.

Pause, if you will, and consider that for a second.

Apparently, since the Vatican II reforms (don't ask me, I only speak Secular), the Vatican and other sects have been on the wrong track. The false church's supporters can all be discounted due to various sins or false testimonies. The only remaining person eligible for the papacy, in other words, is David Bawden, and so he has donned the robes and funny hat. If you really feel up to it, you can visit the Pope's website to uncover this controversy in more detail. I'm not aware that anti-Popes John Paul II or Benedict XXAIV3 have clumsily-coded home pages hosted through generic free servers, so that may be a point in Michael I's favor.

I know that from a purely dispassionate perspective the Catholic Church is everything I loathe in a religion--dogmatic, superstitious, utterly medieval in structure and method--yet I can't help but feel some fondness for the Church. It just seems to get a better class of crazy than the openly-hostile Protestant fundamentalists.

14:29 x Thomas x /culture/religion/catholicism x link x 1 comment

The Power of the Darth Side

The Darth Side: Memoirs of a Monster has been passed around the Internet for a while now. It's a brilliant retelling of Star Wars IV-VI from Darth Vader's point of view, complete with Livejournal-style moods and running asphyxiation jokes. The author has collected it now into a single file, so you can read it chronologically. I don't say this for a lot of fan-fiction, but I really recommend it. At this point, the elder Star Wars trilogy has become a cultural artifact, ripe for adaptation. The Darth Side is Rozencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead to its Hamlet.

14:24 x Thomas x /movies/commentary/scifi x link x 1 comment

Jun 27, 2005

Little Things About Working for the Bank, Part 1 of an Infinite Series

People here are from other countries. That means that they do not have the same concept of personal space as you do. If you, like me, value your three feet of separation--if you cherish it like a hand-rubbed gold soup ladle--you will spend a lot of time backing away from people. They will then take a step closer to you, and the cycle will repeat.

It is entirely possible that you will make it all the way to the end of a hallway in this fashion. You have been warned.

00:00 x Thomas x /bank/experience/personal x link x 0 comments

Jun 23, 2005

With Not-So-Great Power

"Did you hear about Bob?" Mr. Bizarre asks the Siren as he passes her in the grocery store, lifting heads of lettuce with his telekinetic powers and checking them for rot.

"No! What has he done now?" The Siren's eyes flash behind her cold blue mask, her voice at only a hint of its full seductive power. Down the aisle, Rubberboy earns money for the summer by stacking soup and canned pork on the very top shelf.

"Last night, there was a fire in a Georgetown apartment building. He called the fire department and then pulled two children out of the blaze." Mr. Bizarre continues, awestruck. "And this morning I heard that he defused a hostage situation by talking the gunmen down."

The Siren looks a little skeptical. "I don't know," she says. "I was talking to Doom Monkey and the Painted Avenger, and they said that he's never thrown a car, stopped a bullet, or blown anything up. It seems so hard to believe."

Mr. Bizarre shakes his head, sending lettuce cascading to the floor. "Believe whatever you want," he replies sadly, "but I think he's got a lot to teach us."

The Siren just nods, a little chastened, and takes her leave. As they walk away from each other, both of them consider the work of Bob: a decent, ordinary man in a world of unimaginative superheroes.

16:58 x Thomas x /fiction/micro x link x 1 comment

"Listen up, you primitive screwheads..."

I understand that those crazy AFI people have released their top 100 movie quotes. I haven't read it. Movie quotes, to me, are much more enjoyable in their true context: late-night conversations with friends that will seem stupid in retrospect but right now are incredibly deep, man.

Nevertheless, I know that the AFI doesn't exactly have the best record on this kind of thing. I offer, instead, an old link from the funniest people on the Internet, Seanbaby and Erik Wolpaw: The Internet Film Laser Squad's Top 100 Funniest Movies, a response to the AFI's list featuring the Calculando Calrissian 2000. Even stalled at number 43, it possesses humor with the force of a thousand tiny suns!

10:18 x Thomas x /random/comedy_and_tragedy x link x 1 comment

Jun 22, 2005

Grand Prizes

A quick gaming note: I got an e-mail today that might interest you:

Sam clearly has no idea just how small my readership is, and I told him so, but I also told him that I'd go ahead and put this up. I've looked at the competition page, and one of the interesting things about it is that you must be a student to enter. I have no idea what it requires to become a game developer nowadays, but I figure leaving college you could do worse than "winner of the Slamdance Independent Games competition" on your resume.

Oh, and the third Carnival of the Gamers will be up at Man Bytes Blog this week, so be sure to send stuff to Corvus. I said I wouldn't, and then I did. Take that, consistency! Guess I'm just a whore for the prize he says he'll be offering.

17:19 x Thomas x /gaming/design x link x 1 comment

Jun 21, 2005

Operation Yellow Elephant

The movie ran through me
The glamour subdue me
The tabloid untie me
I'm empty please fill me
Mister anchor assure me
That Baghdad is burning
Your voice it is so soothing
That cunning mantra of killing
I need you my witness
To dress this up so bloodless
To numb me and purge me now
Of thoughts of blaming you
Yes the car is our wheelchair
My witness your coughing
Oily silence mocks the legless
Ones who travel now in coffins
On the corner
The jury's sleepless
We found your weakness
And it's right outside our door

Now testify

09:57 x Thomas x /politics/wingnuts x link x 1 comment

Jun 20, 2005

Broken Records

Just for the Madmunk, I offer this lists from the Musicplayer forums as the most overplayed bar band covers of all time. These 17 songs, Tedster's Set List of Doom, could be used for good or evil. Choose wisely!

I'm a little queasy just thinking about it. All I have to add to that are "Red House" or "Hey Joe" by Hendrix (popular with the guitar players for obvious reasons). I'm surprised there are so few Stones tunes that are overplayed (by cover bands, not by radio), but I'm guessing it has something to do with Keith Richards' unconventional tunings.

It will be interesting to see what songs from my generation burn their way onto a similar list.

16:01 x Thomas x /music/management x link x 1 comment

Coming to Town

Cory Doctorow has always released his books online, free of charge. Today, in semi-Bank related news, he has released Someone Comes to Town, Someone Leaves Town under a Creative Commons Developing Nations license, allowing anyone in a country that is not on the Bank's High-Income list to treat the work as public domain (see Cory's note about it on Boing Boing here).

At first glance, I'm not sure what this is meant to accomplish. After all, since the book is released anyway for free, there probably wasn't an awful lot stopping people in those countries from infringing on the work anyway. The more I think about it, though, the more I like it. I like the fact that developing nations can basically sell the book for free, or make derivative works and sell them. They can put on plays based on the work. They could utilize it as steganographic text, for all I know. And that's interesting. As Gibson stated, the street finds uses for things.

There are two significant barriers to entry for Doctorow's book, unfortunately. The first is Internet access, which is significant but not completely unobtainable. The license only forbids this "ultra fair use" status to high-income countries--the number of Bank-classified upper-middle income and lower countries is pretty large, and most of them have some Internet capability. The other difficulty is the cost and infrastructure of printing, should the consumer decide to do so. Printing on Demand is available here, but I'm not sure if it is widespread elsewhere in the world. I remember, however, from a paper I did on Al-Hurra, that radio is still one of the dominant media in developing countries, due to wide reach and relatively cheap cost-per-subscriber.

Obviously, for there to be serious benefit from this, there will have to be many more CC works released under the Developing Nations license, and I don't know when that will happen. I don't know for sure that anything will come of this--I like Cory, but he has a tendency to be altogether too impressed by the whiz-bang aspects of technology. Still, we will have to see, and I'll hope for the best.

00:00 x Thomas x /bank/events/external x link x 0 comments

Jun 17, 2005

More on the global good

If I write about this today, what you'll get is a litany of disaster and then probably a heap of bitterness, poorly structured. I simply don't have the expertise yet to talk about this coherently.

We've spent over $300 billion on a war that has clearly worsened the situation in the Middle East and shows no signs of stopping, no matter what false justifications and hopes the neo-cons can muster. With only a fraction of that money we could do immeasurable good to the world and in return to ourselves. Improving health, environmental protections, trade, and migration: these are elements of a rising tides that would lift all ships on the international seas.

Remember, if you're really interested in promoting freedom: poor people don't have the time or energy to democratize. They're too busy trying to stay alive. Revolution is a luxury. Maybe we should concentrate on that instead of working from the top down through military means.

18:46 x Thomas x /bank/analysis/development/gpg x link x 1 comment

The Gamer's Quarter #2

I like this very much. It's a little bit geeky, and a little bit pretentious, and the layout is amateurish. But this is writing about games that isn't trying to sell me anything. It's about gamers, games, and the people who make them.

Thanks, Gamer's Quarter. If you were on a newstand, I would buy you in a heartbeat.

18:44 x Thomas x /gaming/media/online x link x 1 comment

The Last Resort

I think it's been long enough since the Carnival that I can write about games again without sound and fury signifying nothing.

I have a problem with guns. I don't like them At one point in my life, I dated a girl whose father owned many, many guns, including multiple AK-47s. At all times, he carried a .45 pistol in a back holster, and he was so comfortable with it that he once walked into Dulles Airport, gun strapped as usual under his jacket, and completely forgot about it. I have no idea what would have happened if he had gotten far enough in to set off the metal detectors.

Personally, the man was not a bad human being, but he always made me nervous. He was half-deaf and incredibly conservative, convinced that only he would stand against the brown oppressors when the coming race war hit. On several occasions I walked into the house without being heard while he was watching TV or playing a game, and wondered just what kind of noise would warn him of my presence without inviting a panicked reaction. Looking back on it, I don't even know if he was capable of that kind of thing, but I didn't feel comfortable taking chances with it, not to mention the edge it added to the occasional arguments with my girlfriend.

So guns in real life make me a little twitchy. I own a BB gun, and I haven't picked it up in probably two years except to move it from dorm to apartment to apartment. Guns narrow your options: in a theoretical bad situation, they are too inviting as a solution, and too final to permit mistakes. Being fallible and (I like to think) more creative than that, I ascribe to a Macgyver-esque aversion to firearms in favor of screwball ingenuity.

I'd like to see fewer guns in games, for the same reason, along with swords and other weapons. I think they're limiting the stories that we can tell through the medium. Games like Half-Life 2 are broadening the possibilities by making guns that are also tools like the Gravity Gun, but in the end the easiest solution to a gaming problem still blooms from the barrel of Mao's proverbial pistol.*

It would be hypocritical of me to want guns banned completely, of course. I'm an FPS fanatic, buying Goldeneye for the DS the day it came out just to get a portable Halo-alike fix. I like violence, in its place, just as I enjoy all the other dramatic devices that are available. But where are the other genres being represented in games? You can play through an action/thriller storyline, but it's much harder to find a mystery or interpersonal plot that's not being told through violence. Where are the romantic comedy games, so to speak?** I read a lot of science fiction, but even it has branched out until there are political, romantic, mystery, and comedy stories told within the genre.

We've had a lot of time as gamers to expect great plotting involving guns. The story was the only thing that kept me playing Halo, and the noir atmosphere provided me with a perfect counterpoint to Max Payne's action. But now I'd like to see those options increased--not because the violence bothers me, but because I think there must be some great storytellers waiting out there. I want to see what they can do when they don't have to use a gun as a crutch.

Information on global public goods to come later today, when I'm finished with my draft on the topic.

*This is a grand oversimplification, of course. There are plenty of non-commercial games out there that I could probably play without a gun as a gameplay solution. But let's assume that I'm lazy (so I don't want to spend my time searching them out), that I want to be able to play these games on my console, and that I don't mind paying for A) and B).

**Sega's Feel the Magic XX/XY is technically a romantic comedy. But since the story is insane and really just exists as a means of wrapping the mini-games into one place, I don't think it counts.

17:36 x Thomas x /gaming/design/structure x link x 1 comment

Movie Review: Basket Case

Horror movies and I go back a long ways. One of my first cinematic memories is Night of the Living Dead, gleefully rented by my father. He also introduced me to The Fly in its original recipe, instead of the far inferior extra crispy Cronenberg variety. As I got older, I watched a lot of newer and older monster/slasher flicks, until now I find myself drawing closer to a critical mass and a Unified Field Theory of Horror. It leaves me with a lot of fairly bizarre references and Netflix recommendations for Manos: The Hands of Fate.

I don't remember, exactly, when or where I saw Basket Case for the first time. I just know that it stuck in my head ever since. It's the charming story of a young man and his deformed, formerly-conjoined twin (who rides around in a basket, hence the title) on a quest for revenge on the doctors who cut them apart. I know! That premise is movie gold! And if you're like me (i.e. you love watching terrible horror movies) the rest of the film will deliver.

I like to think I was a pretty bright little kid, but obviously there are some problems with the film that I missed the first time around. For one thing, the scream shots are way, way too long. Sometimes the movie spends several minutes watching a victim thrash around, covered in fake blood and wrestling with a lumpy rubber mutant. During that time, the victim shrieks over and over again, joined in a hideous chorus by the voice of the creature, who hoots like a mentally-handicapped baboon. It's like Children of a Lesser God meets Children of the Corn.

Another fun item to watch for is the special effects of the deformed twin. Although it's typically played by a giant rubber puppet, the filmmakers also used a set of rubber gloves for POV shots and stop-motion for some especially comical cutaway scenes. Each of these presentations looks slightly different from the rest, creating maximum cognitive stress when their scenes are placed side by side. The filmmakers are clearly quite proud of their creation, and they give him far too much screentime, breaking the cardinal rule of monster flicks ("The monster should remain hidden until the climactic confrontation, either through artful editing or clumsy staging.").

In fact, the best part of the movie may come halfway through when the de-freakified main character begins seeing an obnoxious receptionist. A fit of jealousy sends the sideshow twin into a stop-motion tantrum, and when the former attempts to reassure the latter of his loyalty we are treated to a lavish flashback of their mutual childhood. We see their father rail against his misformed spawn, the funeral for the mother who died in childbirth, and the operation that split the twins in twain. It is here that we finally get a name for the boy with the rubber face, Belial. The non-deformed brother's name?

Duane.

Now Belial, that's a good name for a movie monster. It refers, if I'm not mistaken, to a demon of the pit. I approve of that kind of Judeo-Christian baggage. Other good monster names with fine heritage are Lilith and Moloch. Duane? That's the mechanic that charges you $24 for a windshield wiper, when you came in to get your brakes fixed. What kind of parent names their kids (even the deformed and conjoined ones) Belial and Duane?

But maybe that's the intention, because the flashback clearly intends to paint Belial as a tragic anti-hero for the rest of the film. We see him take his revenge on his father and hatch a plan to find the doctors that tossed him out with the post-surgery trash. He's even shown as a young freak-to-be, cuddled up listening to bedtime stories by the fire (oh, would that I were exaggerating). The point is somewhat undermined when, flashback over, Belial cops a lengthy feel off Duane's sleeping girlfriend. In one of the few sympathetic emotional moments of Basket Case, Duane reacts by attempting to throw Belial out the window but ends up plummeting with his twin to the pavement below. Cue the credits and take it away, maestro!

All of this together would make a great B-movie experience, but if you find Basket Case on DVD now, you'll probably be able to watch a short documentary by the original filmmakers on the film's set locations. They're unbelievably stereotypical New York City sleazebags who are immeasurably proud of this film and its sequels, wandering around the landmarks they had filmed so long ago. Despite their credentials, they're even barred entry from the hotel where most of the action takes place, resorting to shouted obscenities through the building intercom and then offering half-hearted excuses.

It made me proud to be an American.

17:22 x Thomas x /movies/reviews/horror x link x 1 comment

Jun 16, 2005

Thinking Globally

I've been doing research on Global Public Goods, or GPGs, at the Bank these last couple weeks. GPGs are a paradigm for development work, and they have a lot in common with the Tragedy of the Commons. Remember that? Originally used by Garrett Hardin in a 1968 article, the phrase reminds us that when people share a public good for which responsibility is diffuse, they will tend to use it to its maximum capacity without bearing the full negative cost of their actions. For example, polluters who dump into the ocean do so because they reap all the benefits (cheap disposal of toxins) without claiming all the costs (the polluted water is "shared" with the rest of the ecosystem).

Global Public Goods are a bigger implementation of this idea. The International Task Force on Global Public Goods defines it this way:

The implications of GPGs when tied to their costs could be, I think, a powerful tool for getting the public interested in development. Right now, your average American couldn't care less about disease in Africa. On the other hand, malaria alone costs Africa millions of dollars every year in lost productivity, tardy medical care, and the continued spread of a disease that should have been wiped out long ago. That price is passed on to the US through disease, increased cost of keeping the problem from spreading, and losses for businesses who have to risk interacting with those countries. I personally think that development should be a moral and ethical responsibility, but those who are on the fence may be swayed by a more economic argument.

Speaking of economic arguments, have you ever taken a look at remittances, the money sent back overseas by immigrants to various countries? A paper by Jens Reinke and Neil Patterson of the IMF states:

The Bank notes that these remittances may go up to more than $200 billion by the year 2020--that's more than total official development aid! I'm not convinced, personally, that immigration can be shown to have hurt our economy (note that 1/3 of the current $90 billion goes to Latin America, probably from unskilled labor that US citizens aren't particularly interested in performing), but this certainly seems to show that it helps.

What other issues could be framed as a global public good? Can this be useful in encouraging progressive social policy?

21:14 x Thomas x /bank/analysis/development/gpg x link x 1 comment

Jun 15, 2005

No Apologies

It surprises me, frankly, that some politicians would even think of not signing onto the lynching apology resolution currently wandering through the Senate. Sure, it's a blatant political ploy, but it's one with no real political drawbacks and it doesn't even require you to be sincere about it. Refusing to sign is like handing ammunition to your competition, from either party, when the next election rolls around. Still, Steve Gilliard has the list of dissenters. It's no secret that ex-Klansman Trent Lott doesn't like black people very much, but what's with the Republicans from New Hampshire and Ohio? And for that matter, what's with Kent Conrad, D-ND? Que extraño. (Note that Steve's list isn't completely reliable--Americablog and the original source he quotes have updated with different counts, and the measure did pass unanimously. What's in question are people who did not co-sponsor the bill, even at the last minute.)

Of course, David Neiwert says what I and every other liberal policy enthusiast thought when we heard about this bill: wonder when they'll actually do something about the problem instead of making empty apologies? Every time meaningful hate crime legislation makes its way through Congress, the Republican leadership kills it because of homosexual protections offered (although it's perfectly possible that they have help from Democrats of the lowest variety--Zell Miller, perhaps).

Many people don't really understand hate crime legislation in the first place. There's a common argument made that we can't read the mind of the defendant, and even if we could that all crimes are hate crimes by definition. Although it's logically compelling, this argument is limited in scope, and breaks down when we consider the whole picture. In summary, the problem with hate crimes is that they are a form of terrorism--they're intimidation and threats aimed at keeping a population under control. That's what burning a cross, or tying someone to a fencepost, or lynching is meant to do: it's not just a simple murder, it's a lesson to all the other members of the target population. Keep your heads down and play along with our rules, it says, or you'll end up like that.

Maybe there's a good reason that this bill was passed with missing co-sponsors, and after hours with a secret vote. If so, I'd like to hear it. I'm sure a lot of other people would too. Since Congress won't create workable solutions to hate crimes of the present, the least they could offer is a united apology for the sins of the past.

15:55 x Thomas x /politics/national/congress x link x 1 comment

I am Jack's Total Lack of Concern

...regarding the Michael Jackson trial.

That is all.

01:28 x Thomas x /random/note_to_self x link x 1 comment

Jun 14, 2005

From the Almost Fanfiction Department, Alias Finale Edition

Ten ways for Vaughn to finish his last sentence when the new season begins, in no particular order:

"Well, for starters, my name isn't Michael Vaughn..."

1. "..I'm Batman."
2. "...and I'm not wearing any underwear."
3. "Psych! Woo! That was a good one. Hey, how about that Rambaldi?"
4. "Also, these forehead wrinkles are prosthetics."
5. "OH MY GOD LOOK OUT FOR THAT CAR!" (I particularly like the idea of this as he jerks out of his coma mid-season)
6. "...live from New York it's SATURDAY NIGHT!"
7. "My name is John Okepe, and I am an official with the Nigerian government. Will you help me transfer out 35 million US dollars from my bank?"
8. "...and while we're being honest with each other: Monster-In-Law? What was I thinking? At least it wasn't Electra."
9. "...I want you to call me 'Blankly McFrownsalot' instead."
10. "But hey, since your mom came back from the dead a couple times, your dad turned out to be kind of a maniacal control freak superspy, you found out about a long lost half-sister born of your worst enemy and boss, and we just exploded a giant red beach ball hanging over post-Soviet Russia as planned by a crazed 14th century monk, you can take this in stride, right? Right? Baby?"

Clearly, I am in a very good mood this morning.

14:13 x Thomas x /random/comedy_and_tragedy x link x 1 comment

Jun 13, 2005

A Tiny Monkey Might Work

Does anyone else have this problem? At home, I have a collection of (ahem) illicit music files, some of which are duplicates that I either own or could obtain through fair use, some of which are "research for covers" (justification rocks!). In order to get them to some level of consistent volume, I'm forced to run a pretty heavy compression plugin through my mp3 software. This morning, though, I threw a bunch of new songs onto the iPaq for the Metro ride, and realized yet again that controlling the volume between the Pillows and the Pixies, for example, is just enough of a distraction to pull me completely out of the groove.

I recognize that we don't necessarily want to hand people more ways to mess up their music (don't get me started on equalizer abuse), but are mp3 rippers this inconsistent? Or is this another indication of increasing compression and degraded dynamics in music as time goes by?

Perhaps I need to switch to a more sophisticated Win CE music player. The problem, as I see it, is that the free ones are typical open-source mid-completion, and Microsoft is reserving WMP10 for native devices only--no upgrade available. If only I could find a display model with what I want and Bluetooth installed...

Title via the Monkey Explains It All guide to guitar effects.

00:00 x Thomas x /music/recording/mp3 x link x 0 comments

Jun 12, 2005

Right On

I don't think I agree with a single thing that this guy has to say, but I am oddly fascinated.

Caught via Acid for Blood.

13:09 x Thomas x /gaming/media/online/linky x link x 2 comments

Jun 11, 2005

Customer Service at the World Bank

Right now, there's an art exhibit running throughout the World Bank's Main Complex building. The building itself, in case you've never seen it, is a huge glass-and-concrete structure built around a central 13-story atrium. It's very impressive. The exhibit in question is titled "Theatre in Europe and Central Asia: Mirror of Society or Agent of Change?" There's a whole schedule of events revolving around it, but as far as the average Bank employee is concerned, "Theatre in Europe and Central Asia" consists of an extensive set of Polish show posters and six Victorian-esque play costumes.

I don't particularly like this exhibit. I mention it, and the MC building, because I see them as uncharacteristic failures of what the Bank calls client engagement. Engagement is the process of involving an outside party in the process of reconstruction and development. The Bank has gotten pretty good at this since Wolfensohn took over in 1995. As far as I can tell, it's crucial to understand engagement if you want to understand the modern Bank.

I've got a book here, called Balancing the Development Agenda. It was put together when Wolfensohn bowed out, and it features contributors from Bank staff on the progress and strategies of the Bank. You can probably get it from the Infoshop on H and 18 if you wanted to read it. It points out that in 1995, when Jim Wolfensohn took over at the Bank, it had a real reputation problem with its clients. People felt like the Bank didn't listen, wasn't open, and trampled over its clients instead of helping them find their own solutions. Protests against the Bank were well-supported, and remained that way through about 2002.

Wolfensohn was an investment banker before becoming president, and so he put more of an emphasis on interconnections. For one thing, the Bank had none of its country directors actually in the field in 1995. Currently, 73% of country directors operate outside headquarters, and so do about 30% of its regional staff. Between this and a new emphasis on client-first policy, the Bank has gotten much better at listening to the people it helps. The other part of the Bank's outreach that I've seen myself is the Civil Society aspect: the Bank now often works through smaller organizations, supporting them or consulting with them. This is not to say that everyone now loves us--as I noted before, OxFam came out to protest at the annual meetings this year, among others. But in general there are much tighter ties between the Bank as a huge monolithic organization and smaller, more nimble players close to the problem.

What this all amounts to is a World Bank that much more closely reflects the people it represents. Wolfensohn's biography published by the Bank is, if I recall correctly, titled "Voice of the World's Poor." There's still a ways to go, but the Bank is justifiably proud of the changes it has made. The partnership model is good for the clients, and it's also good for the staff, because many of them are from developing countries. When I read Madmunk's posts on the conflicts between small and large philanthropies, I see the same kind of tension playing out within the US, but at a much earlier stage.

The Main Complex was built before these initiatives. As a result, it's a huge, overbuilt structure, almost like a cathedral. It looks expensive. It probably is expensive--even discounting construction, so much glass can't be cheap to heat and cool with the seasons of DC. I've heard that it was supposed to be even more elaborate, with marble wrapped around the columns and on the floor, but they decided against it. I always cringe when I think about visitors from developing countries walking into headquarters. That's why the current art exhibit also rubs me the wrong way: I worry that it gives the wrong impression of the Bank's focus.

Let's face it: when we talk about developing countries, we're really discussing Africa and parts of Asia and Central/South America. There are a lot of places in Europe and Oceana that also, I'm sure, benefit greatly from the Bank's programs. But of the Millenium Development Goals that the Bank is trying so hard to reach, the one that I hear the most institutionally is cutting in half the number of people who live on a dollar a day. Theatre is not something that people living in that kind of financial constraint are particularly worried about. They're probably even too poor for social change. Both of those strike me as lower middle class concerns. I'm probably being overly sensitive, but I wish the Bank art program had picked a less Euro-centric theme this month. With so much progress and good work done by the institution on raising the voices of the poor, and so soon after the Spring Meetings, it seems like a shame to represent us this way.

00:00 x Thomas x /bank/analysis/engagement x link x 0 comments

Jun 10, 2005

Solo project

While I've still got a bit of a traffic spike from the Carnival, I'm going to exploit you as listeners and try to get some feedback on my music. Since my last band broke up, I've been working on trying to build a one-man rock band. Wait--it's not as crazy as it sounds. I use a Line6 loop pedal and an EQ/distortion box to play chords, percussion, and bassline along with myself, building a background loop on the fly.

To show you what I'm talking about, and hopefully get some suggestions on how to improve, I've uploaded my cover of Weezer's Island in the Sun. To record it, I did have to overdub a new vocal track (the first time wasn't loud enough) but I don't sing anything that I didn't do the first time (you'll hear a slight chorus effect from the overlapping tracks). Let me know what you think, in the comments or by email.

This will never be music that fills stadiums, I'm sure, but I'd like to play in front of people again. I'm thinking coffeeshops or other small venues, just for fun. It's also a good challenge for me, since running the looper is really like a whole new instrument, and arranging covers/originals for this approach requires me to think about the song in a dramatically different way.

23:22 x Thomas x /music/performance/personal x link x 1 comment

Shanghai'd

We don't hear so much about pressgangs any more, perhaps because we don't live in the dangerous 19th century and hang around boatyards drinking. But this is the hiphop era, and that means pressgang remix, baby.

Long story short, the mother called a lawyer and took care of this. But the kid's lucky he didn't wake up on a slow boat to China--or Iraq, to modernize the metaphor.

This article has been flying around the liberal side of the web today, and of course it's been constantly on the news that Army recruiting is way down (wonder why?). I don't want to confuse the two and state unequivocally that the military is starting a forcible recruitment program (although some of the tactics in the article sound institutionally sanctioned). Remember, scientifically, anecdotal evidence is not the same as proof. And clearly, this kid isn't the brightest crayon in the box.

On the other hand, they did WHAT? The recruiters all but knocked this kid on the back of the head and tossed him into a humvee. It's no secret that the military is hurting for bodies right now, and you can't blame them. But sooner or later someone is going to have to make a choice. Frankly, even if this enlistment attempt had worked, they can't get enough people that way. It'll come down to withdrawal from Iraq, or a draft.

I'm sure we're going to see some good commentary about this, particularly since it was posted on Kos. PZ has a good parental reaction. Myself, I'm of prime draftable age. I haven't really heard from recruiters since high school, and if they start calling now I'm going to get worried. The fact of the matter is that no-one, regardless of political persuasion, wants their family or theirselves headed to Iraq. Jonah Goldberg and the rest of the 101st Fighting Keyboarders and Republican chickenhawks support the war vocally, but they're not signing up (that's for poor people and minorities, right guys?).

I've been against this war from the very beginning. It's incredibly frustrating watching people ignore the evidence of its fraudulence, right in plain sight. But eventually the military is just going to run out of people. When that happens, and a draft is the only way for Bush to solve his problem, expect those "Support Our Troops" magnets to start coming off the cars.

13:37 x Thomas x /politics/national/military/draft x link x 1 comment

I Want To Believe

The Skeptic's Circle has shown up at the aptly-named Skeptico today, and as usual it is a lot of fun to read. I don't have anything in it this time, but don't let that stop you.

04:00 x Thomas x /science/skepticism x link x 1 comment

Jun 09, 2005

Loan Rangers

Belle reminded me of this Washington Post profile on the Bank today. I saw it on the Intranet, but hadn't had a chance to read it. It is honestly very, very good: the quirks and attitudes of the Bank culture are very well represented. It also clears up the little inconsistencies and misunderstandings regarding this institution--I still have family members (not very smart ones, mind you) who think that my job involves checking accounts and making change.

I'll have more on the World Bank, and paying taxes as an employee of an international organization, tonight or tomorrow.

16:59 x Thomas x /bank/analysis/institutional x link x 1 comment

Due Notice

This is your morning wake-up call: today is the last day to submit articles to the second Carnival of the Gamers. Go ahead, if you haven't already, and send them to gamers@milezero.org. I've already received a number of submissions, and on average I'm very happy with them. I think it'll be another good carnival. Two weeks from now, CorvusE at ManBytesBlog will host the next edition, so if you're thinking about squeaking in under the limit, consider making my job easier and sending your submission over to him. Also, keep an eye on Buttonmashing's Carnival HQ for more information.

Right. Announcement done, a few short things must be said.

(i can't believe i actually have to say this)

1. First, since some people don't seem to get it, the Carnival is unedited. Complaints about which submissions have been accepted, or what order they've been placed in, are completely irrelevant. I'm following Tony's lead, posting the submissions in the order that they were sent to me. No-one is being rejected. Contesting these points is as pointless as asking for an opening prayer at a meeting of atheists. Don't bother.
2. In fact, you're not going to be able to complain anyway. Although it's a crude solution (particularly with my simple CMS system), comments will not be accepted for the Carnival here. Mile Zero is not the focus of this event, it's just a host. Discussion should take place at the source. I personally intend to completely stay out of comment threads this time around, because it strikes me as a classy thing for the host to do. We'll see if I succeed. I'm always available by e-mail, which (currently) lives at blog1@milezero.org.
3. I'd like to encourage you to read more than just the essay linked by the Carnival. This edition is a mix of new and old entrants, and you may not have encountered some of them before. You might like some of their other material. Not all of us are strictly gaming blogs, and you may find great writing on unexpected subjects if you branch out a bit. I've found some interesting reading material this way.
4. On that note, I'm going to take this as the last opportunity to self-advertise: feel free to read the rest of Mile Zero while you're here. Believe it or not, I don't write only about games. I'm a DC-based writer and musician working for the World Bank, the biggest of the international development organizations. I use this space as a way to practice writing about those topics, and whatever else interests me. That might be really trivial to you, or it might be interesting, I can't really tell. Help yourself.

16:30 x Thomas x /gaming/carnival x link x 1 comment

Carnival of the Gamers II: Z-Machine Edition

The management also hopes that this format is not too annoying, but it was too tempting to resist. Oh, for the days of monochrome screens, 5 1/4" floppies, and EMS memory!

TTLB Carnival Index

00:00 x Thomas x /gaming/carnival x link x 1 comment

Jun 07, 2005

Chips and Salsa

Could there be anything more horrifying than yours truly, earnestly tempting to gyrate his way through a salsa dance class? I submit to you that there is not. The Nerdlet may do her best to tell you that it was endearing, perhaps adorable. But make no mistake--there's a reason this white boy is usually found playing funky music instead of dancing to it.

I had a fun time, much to my surprise. The instructor at the Clarendon Grill was funny and good at disarming the crowd. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, even at their most awkward. The only real problem I had was the same problem that I have with all dance classes: there's a bit of a jump from the basic step (which even the least coordinated caperer can learn) and the more advanced spins and swings. I managed to competently massacre these slightly-better-than-basic moves during the class part of the evening, but when it came time to actually make use of them on the dance floor I drew a complete and utter blank. I'm sure the resulting cognitive chaos bore some resemblance to a thorazine-addled octopus.

Although I am no expert, I will say this right off: for a rock musician, latin-based dance is a very odd beast. The dance takes place on an 8-count, kind of an 8/4 time, I guess. This gives enough time for moves by the male and female in turn. What complicates matters, for me, is that almost everything takes place on the 1-2-3 or the 5-6-7, with a rest on the 4 and the 8. I'm a 1 and 3 kinda guy, myself, although I certainly know the value of a 2 and 4. 1 and 5 as the initial steps in your crazy triplet structure? That's a sure solution for a confused rock bassist, particularly since the actual bass of the songs is much more straightforward. How do you play a rhythm instrument like that when the dancers are marching to a different drummer?

I want to try playing and writing some latin-influenced music, after last night. Let's put it this way: I'm kinda eyeing Salsa across the room, she seems cute enough. But I've been seeing Rock for a while now, and although we've got a pretty open relationship I just don't know if I can adapt to someone new. Besides, Rock's older sister (the Blues) would kill me if she found out.

17:40 x Thomas x /music/performance/dance x link x 1 comment

Alan Keyes, you introduce me to the most charming people

Sadly, No! has more of that sweet Kaye Grogan wingnuttiness--yes, someone actually wrote that article, and on eternal presidential candidate Alan Keyes's website to boot. And these people have an audience. My ex-girlfriend will probably send me this article or something just as bad as soon as she wanders back out of the woods and finds an internet connection. It's probably only a matter of time before James Dobson starts attacking the Dairy Council, Bill Frist tries to pass legislation removing the milking machine tubes from helpless udders, and G. Gordon Liddy instructs his listeners on getting headshots on farm workers--ahem, "liberal farming activists."

Seriously: can anyone point me to anyone on the left who is this crazy? I really do want to know. I'm not the biggest fan of PETA, hippy protesters, or the Socialist party, but have any of them ever written something as stupid as a screed against pasteurization?

14:48 x Thomas x /politics/wingnuts/kayegrogan x link x 1 comment

I Am Waiting To Buy A Bass

Note the phrasing, if you will. That title does not read "I am buying a bass," or "I have bought a bass," or even the classic musician's lament, "I'm thinking about buying a bass." No, contained in that title is an expression of delayed expectations. It is a title that says I might buy an instrument in the future, once certain conditions are met.

See this bass?

Nice, isn't it? That's a Rickenbacker 4003, Jetglo, vintage neck pickup not shown. Through a good distortion channel, it sounds like the Wrath of God descending in one massive power chord. Clean, it has a piano-like chime that enunciates every note with clarity, without losing the low thunder. The Rick's best special feature, however, is called Rick-O-Sound, a stereo output jack that lets the pickups be routed through separate effects chains--like playing two instruments at once. For a looping solo artist-slash-lunatic like me, it's a perfect machine.

That's the idea, at least. And if the local shop where I'd placed my order for this bass, 3 months ago, had come through, I'd probably be boring you with experimental symphonies and signal diagrams. Unfortunately, it's now 9 months since the order date, and there is no Rickenbacker to be found. So as soon as I pay my taxes and my tuition next week, I'll be going down to the guitar shop to get my deposit back, and I'll be ordering from MusiciansFriend.com instead.

I didn't want to do that. I wanted to support the local shop, the same way I want to support local musicians and local everything else. Musician's Friend isn't a Wal-Mart in terms employee abuse, but they're still a big multinational corporation. As far as I'm concerned, that makes them the Man, and I prefer to spend my Rock dollars fighting the Man. On the other hand, the Man will sell me a Bass, and the shop in Centreville (one of the only Rickenbacker dealers around, especially since Guitar Center isn't qualified any more) won't.

Isn't that the problem with the age of Internet commerce? Thomas Friedman can go on about his "flat earth," but what it means to the average consumer is that there's a more boring retail experience. There's no brilliance--no clerks with clever recommendations or expert help--but there's also less incompetence, when the recommendations and the help aren't so clever or expert at all. I don't enjoy shopping through a browser as much as I do in person--with books and instruments there's a tactile side to the purchase that can really add to your confidence, and considering the amount I'm spending on the Rick, that's a nice option to have. Too bad the local music shop won't cooperate.

11:35 x Thomas x /random/personal/finances x link x 1 comment

In the not so distant future

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really using Netflix to its greatest potential, as I sit and spread MST3K episodes evenly through my queue.

Also bothersome. I know how to spell queue. I don't always know when to stop.

00:00 x Thomas x /random/personal x link x 0 comments

Jun 06, 2005

Nintendo DS Review

I've owned a Nintendo DS, the Big N's new handheld system, for about a month now. Handhelds are really much more personal than home consoles are--they're used at different times to fill different roles, and demand more compromises than a set-top box. I bought a Gameboy Advance my junior year in college, upgrading last year to a GBA SP, which is a really nice piece of hardware. The SP is small (made smaller by its folding case), powerful enough to play fantastic 2D games equivalent to about an SNES (and I love 2D), and it lasts forever on its internal battery. I didn't trade in the SP, but I did loan it to the Nerdlet and I haven't missed it yet, which is a pretty good endorsement of the DS.

The Hardware

I'm mixed on the DS as a hardware platform. This is mainly because I see the unrealized potential in a very good package, which is common to just about every Nintendo offering. Soothing worries that the designers had completely left reality, the two-screen concept turns out to be passable at worst and brilliant at best, and it will be more exploited as programmers figure out the potentials. Likewise for the touch-screen: it not only creates new possibilities for games that could not be realized on any other console (save something like a Zodiac or PocketPC), but it adds special value to the second screen, even if it is only used for virtual keys.

The physical controls are good, particularly for a portable. The face buttons are small, useful in that they can double as a second d-pad for lefties or shooters. Compared to the SP, they're not as comfortable, but you get used to them. The L and R buttons are surprisingly good, easy to hit and a good compromise between the original GBA's large but carpal tunnel-inducing ergonomics and the SP's comfortable nubs. What's really surprising is the d-pad--it may be the best I've used on a console to date. It's not mushy like the Dreamcast or the GBA, shallow like the SP, or stiff like the SNES. Switching back to the SP for complicated fighting games and platformers feels sloppy and lacking in feedback. For a 2D hack like myself, the DS controls are wonderful.

It helps that the DS can play GBA games in addition to its own, SD card-sized media. The beautiful screens make later titles like Metroid Fusion and Metal Slug something to behold. The backlighting is more even, and you can choose which screen to use for GBA carts. Here's my first caveat, however: the buttons in GBA mode can't be remapped. I'm sure that it might have been a pain to add that ability to the legacy titles, but games like Street Fighter Alpha III Upper would really benefit from moving the L and R functions to the X and Y buttons. When playing normal platformers, it'd be nice to move the A and B up a row, because it's easier for my thumbs to reach them there. I understand why Nintendo didn't want users messing with the mappings and then confusing themselves during new games, but it's a missed opportunity for advanced gamers.

It is also too bad that Nintendo didn't wrap the GBA multiplayer protocol with the DS WiFi--I don't necessarily need to be able to interface with a GBA, but playing Four Swords wirelessly would have been a nice treat. Instead, there's no multiplayer at all for GBA titles. Most DS games do offer wireless one-cart play, which is a nice evolution from the underutilized GBA one-cart mode. I don't play a lot of multiplayer anyway, because few of my friends own a handheld, but I'm looking forward to the Internet play to be offered later this year. It should be very exciting.

Oh, and the biggest reason to buy the DS over an SP? Headphone jack. Removing an audio jack from the GBA was lunacy, and it's good to see a standard interface return, so I can finally listen to my games hassle-free. Battery life is also great, equal to the SP in GBA mode and not much shorter for the DS. A long battery is one reason why I can't see myself buying a PSP--I remember the Game Gear, and if I have to think about charging it, I'm not interested. I plug the DS into the wall about once a week, better than my cell phone and my PocketPC. A PSP would have me charging it every night, and that's just not something I feel like I should have to do in 2005.

So all in all, it's good hardware, and its liabilities may be fixed in the future, as the DS goes online and new firmware is released through homebrew or Nintendo itself. Still, any console is only as good as its games. Although the DS technically has access to a fine library of GBA games, the hardware can only be exploited with new software. A few impressions:

Metroid Hunters: First Hunt

This is just a demo that comes with every system, but nevertheless it was the game that convinced me to buy a DS. I'm a huge fan of first-person shooters like Unreal Tournament and Halo, but I don't really like playing them on gamepad--although I got pretty good at Quake 3 for Dreamcast. The only real way to own an FPS is with a keyboard and mouse, something not really offered on a home gaming system so far. That has changed with the DS--using the "S-type" control setup, the touch screen acts like a mousepad, and your thumb becomes the mouse. It works very, very well. It looks like Goldeneye will be the first to really exploit this in June, but once it gets out I expect ports of lots of classic shooters, either official or through the homebrew circuit. A WiFi Quake deathmatch on the go is just about my idea of heaven.

Feel the Magic

Feel the Magic is an oddball launch title. It's like WarioWare crossed with a dating game, and uses the touch screen exclusively. I liked it, but there's not much replay value here, and most of the minigames aren't terribly engaging. I sold it back for...

Yoshi Touch and Go

Touch and Go is another oddball--a score-based arcade game, not quite a platformer and not quite a puzzler. This is another game that could only be done on the DS hardware. I've read a lot of reviews that are disappointed because it's not a sequel to Yoshi's Adventure, which was probably the best platformer ever made. And the game is, on its own, pretty limited--the levels are semi-random chunks linked together to form one long scroll, and there's no immediate progression of abilities or challenges. On the other hand, it's terribly addictive. The real challenge is in refining your technique. As you play, you'll start to figure out new strategies that help you pass the same obstacles more efficiently or safely. That makes Touch and Go more like classic shooters (Ikaruga, Life Force, R-Type) than its obvious Mario heritage. End verdict: I like it a lot, and I'm looking forward to Kirby and the Cursed Canvas, which should combine the stylus-based gameplay with a more platformer feel.

Super Mario 64 DS

The flagship game of the DS, Mario 64 is pretty much a port of the N64 classic. I never played the original, so it's entirely new to me. I like it, but I don't think I'd have missed it if I hadn't gotten it free with my barely-used DS. I haven't had a chance to get into the mini-games, but I hear they're very good and addictive. What I will say is that the much-maligned touch screen control is not nearly as bad as it has been made out by the gaming media--basically, it provides a virtual analog onscreen, which can be dragged around with the thumb-strap. I'm doing about as well with it as I usually did with analog sticks. It's no Jet Grind Radio or Prince of Persia, but it works just fine. I think the time has come to point out that analog sticks do not a perfect 3D platformer make--if you think they do, try handing Super Mario Sunshine to a relative neophyte and see how they do. Most people will be very frustrated. The ability to control a character in 3D using one of these is an acquired skill, and most of the gaming press seems to have forgotten that.

All in all, the launch titles have been a little sparse, but respectable. Anyone who remembers the PS1 launch knows that there's still plenty of room to recover, and I'm genuinely excited about several titles. Kirby looks great, Band Brothers and Electroplankton are revolutionary, and the multiplayer possibilities of Metroid, Goldeneye, and Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles (among others) have me giddy. This will be a good year for my Metro rides.

13:26 x Thomas x /gaming/impressions/hardware/nds x link x 1 comment

Burning down the house

I just wrote 8k of text about the Carnival-CGOnline controversy. Then, because I'm a better editor than I am a writer, I realized I was even boring myself and set it aside. If anyone cares, they can e-mail me for the whole original post. Otherwise, you get the shorter Rude Edition below, where I ignore the rules of civility in favor of brevity and expressiveness.

• Matthew Gallant, a freelancer writing for Computer Games Magazine Online, reads the first Carnival of the Gamers entry and doesn't like the cut of PeterB's jib. Instead of reading the other entries or doing some research to establish that the Carnival is, in fact, unedited, he writes a stunningly vicious little link to the Carnival that completely misses the point. With discussion in comments, Gallant proves himself to be a bit of a creep in addition to being ethically challenged. No more need be said about him.
• In the resulting comments and e-mail exchange, Steve Bauman, editor of Computer Games Magazine, insists that his publication (unlike other game rags) is adult and mature. He agrees with Gallant both about the Carnival and the offending entry, taking the industry criticism close to his heart, like a wounded wallaby. Bauman notes in an unrelated Grumpy Gamer thread: "I've spent the last 12 years trying to create a game magazine for all of you 'older, more mature gamers.' You know what? You don't buy it."
• Feeling like I had wronged him somehow, I bought a copy of Computer Games Magazine at lunch. Bauman is a filthy, incompetent liar. CGM is better than most gaming publications, but it's still terrible. The format is uninteresting. They brought in Tom Chick and Henry Jenkins to write, and then neither one of them writes anything very interesting. Erik Wolpaw gets a sidebar, complete with awkwardly-phrased intro text, but not nearly enough room to be very funny. It's not revealed that Erik worked on Psychonauts, which is an advertiser. Speaking of which, there aren't many ads and most are clustered toward the front, but they're still pretty awful. There are a lot of them for anime and Asheron's Call 2, so I'm guessing it's not very expensive to place one.
• Actually, I'm sorry, Chick does write a moderately funny satire of game ratings on the back page. Still, it's not that funny, and it doesn't really hit any of the issues close to home. It's standard back-page tossaway.
• This highlights the primary reason that video game publications are awful--they're formatted like bad auto magazines, the ones with the bikini women on the front. Almost all of them read editorial, letters, previews, feature article (usually a big preview), reviews, tips and bad commentary, hardware, lame back page humor. The whole magazine is about what you should buy today, what you'll be able to buy tomorrow, and what you should have bought yesterday. It is a tribute, not to playing games, but to purchasing them. Add in the infusion of misogyny and poor layout, and you might as well be reading Muscle Car Digest.
• Why is it that I have to go someplace like Wired or a game blog to read about gaming culture, or tech stories that look at the big picture of gaming? Why isn't there a game magazine that looks like Bass Player, where there are a couple lengthy reviews and the rest of the articles are about the experience of playing bass? Where are the articles that personalize gaming, that make explore the people behind it and around it and in it? These topics are only covered online. Being a mature publication about gaming means answering these questions, not being able to say "fuck" in your GDC coverage. Until your gaming publication can answer the above to my satisfaction, I'm not going to be buying it, no matter how hurt you feel about it. That goes double for CGM.
• Further homework for you on this topic: Amit's series of great posts here, here, and here. PeterB's original article and his excellent response to Gallant. My own article on the Gamespy controversy. Cathode Tan's beautiful decapitation of the CGOnline link. And of course, the Buttonmashing retrospective that played host to the whole debate.

Links on the right to be updated this evening, as it has become increasingly evident that I've failed to link some great reads.

12:08 x Thomas x /gaming/media/print x link x 1 comment

Jun 05, 2005

Already worth the link

Quote of the day, taken from Pinyin.info's readings ("Why Chinese Is So Damned Hard"):

The readings at the site really are excellent. I'm skeptical about them (most of them are criticisms of the Chinese writing system) but only because I try to be skeptical of everything I read--they're very convincing. More research is obviously required. But the above article will produce grins and nods from any student or former student of Mandarin Chinese.

20:50 x Thomas x /culture/asia/china/mandarin x link x 1 comment

The Unfriendly City

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I enjoy reading Why I Hate DC, and it's well known that I am not really a fan of the city, although I don't feel confident enough to move yet. But personally, I think that Baltimore is a more confusing city to navigate than DC is. Likewise, I'm not sure I'd blame the city's nature as a "rage-infested craphole" for its problems. My punkass, litigious former guitarist was from Florida by way of Maryland, and my nightmarishly inhuman ex-girlfriend was from Pennsylvania by way of Sterling, if I remember correctly. Bad people are universal.

On the other hand, I agree that we sometimes forget why there are tourists all over DC. It's easy for me to mock the rednecks who have never been on a Metro before, or who still take the faux patriotism slathered all over the capital seriously. It's more difficult, but more human, to remember that everyone rides a Metro for the first time at some point, and the landmarks here still mean something. Steve Gilliard wrote the other day how we have a love-hate relationship with our capital city, and I think he's right. His mistake is that he thinks people inside the Beltway all buy into a dream of the city as a working system, when in fact we may be filled with more self-loathing than anyone.

15:38 x Thomas x /dc/tourism x link x 1 comment

Jun 02, 2005

Just what did they pay him for?

I know when I leave a job, the last thing I do before waltzing out the door is slander the most competent people I can find. No, wait--actually, that would be incredibly stupid. So why is it that Dan Okrent, the laughably ineffective former Public Editor for the New York Times, decided to do just that? In his last column for the paper, Okrent unleashed a torrent of bitter little jabs at some of the paper's op-ed columnists, namely Frank Rich, Maureen Dowd, and Paul Krugman. The first two, he simply portrayed as partisan bickering. Krugman, a world-reknowned and well-regarded economist, was accused of actually cooking the numbers for his columns.

Okrent is best known, previous to his days ruminating on the liberal bias of the NYT crossword puzzle, as the inventor of fantasy baseball. And he has the nerve to tell Krugman that his math might be suspect. Brad DeLong, another skilled and well-written economist, annotates the resulting back-and-forth in the Times Public Editor weblog, and does a professional's job slicing Okrent's few economic points here I am not qualified to comment on that matter, because my own economic background is accumulated and theoretical, doubtless filled with holes. What I can discuss, and with relish, is the incredible audacity of Okrent's original statement--specifically, when Okrent talks about his own role